|Posted by Jodi & Ron Miller on January 17, 2013 at 12:15 PM|
Abortion - The Layers of Grief
By: Jodi Miller 1/17/2013
Recently I was preparing for a speaking engagement on abortions consequences when I began to feel a new layer of grief surfacing. It didn’t make any sense at first. Nothing had changed. Why this new pain? I was forgiven. I was at peace. I was rid of all the guilt and shame. Was this simply a distraction to keep me from the task at hand?
I prayed seeking understanding to these painful emotions. God in His infinite ways answered all my questions and then some. People often say that God only gives us what we can handle. I prefer to say, “If He brings us to it than He will see us through it.” In any case, what I was feeling was real! It was a new layer of awareness of the loss of my three children; my only children. But God, I thought I already mourned their loss. Yes, you have. You’ve mourned the loss of your babies. You mourned their lost childhood and adolescence. What you are experiencing is the loss of their adulthood and the family you would have had. You’re mourning the loss of the grandchildren that will never be. It all seemed so clear. Especially with all the health issues my husband struggles with. I thought of how lonely I feel at times and wondering how different things might be if our children were here. They would now be 31, 29 and 27 yrs old. Is it possible that I’m that old? The time has gone by way to fast.
This new layer of sorrow was not about taking back all the pain of the past. It was simply an awareness of just how deep the pain of abortion goes. I find myself thankful that God alone knows how much we can handle at any given time. His love brought me to the pain, than His grace comforts and heals me. He then allows me to share it with others.
You may have different layers that have been revealed or yet to be revealed. But remember we have a God who simply wants the best for us. If you find yourself feeling a new layer of pain – don’t run from it, instead run to God; seek His will for you then, let Him heal your pain just as He promises. “I will give you back your health and heal your wounds”, says the LORD.” Jeremiah 30:17